The Text That Still Haunts Me
I’ve never shared this story before.
2008…
I was standing in the corner of my parents’ living room, fiddling with the audio settings for the outdoor speakers. Something wasn’t working right — the input and output were all mixed up, and I was reconfiguring the auxiliary settings. It’s a weird, random detail to remember so vividly, but I do.
Because that’s when I got the text.
“Dan, when are you coming to Chicago?”
“Not sure, probably in a few months. I’ll keep you posted.”
“I really need you.”
I sent back something like, “We’ll hang soon… you got this.”
Looking back now, I can’t stop thinking about how cold that response must have felt. How dismissive. How much he might have needed something more in that moment.
A week later, Jason was gone.
I never got the full story about why or how. But deep down, I knew.
I knew then.
He was reaching out. Asking for help. Saying it in the clearest way he could without actually saying the words. And I didn’t do a damn thing except send a hollow, meaningless response.
It haunts me to this day.
What if I’d been more compassionate?
What if I’d just called him?
What if I’d jumped on a plane?
What if I’d done anything more than sending a short text?
Would he still be here?
Maybe if we’d recreated the kind of support system we had in college — that rare feeling of closeness, understanding, and looking out for each other — maybe he would have been okay.
People try to comfort others in those moments. They say things like, “It’s not your fault. You did your best. There was nothing you could have done.”
And part of me wants to believe that.
But part of me knows that’s bullshit.
The truth is — I could have done more. I didn’t.
And maybe even the smallest gesture, the simplest act of care, could have made the difference.
I’ve been posting a lot lately about hard work, strength, pushing through. But the reality is, sometimes we don’t need toughness. Sometimes we just need compassion.
Understanding.
Presence.
No answers. No solutions. Just showing up and being there.
So why am I sharing this now?
Honestly, I’m not even sure. Maybe I’m just rewiring my brain, trying to be a little kinder to myself and to others.
Because I’ve learned — and keep learning — that everyone is going through something we can’t always see or understand.
Be there.
Be compassionate.
Peel back the layers.
It could literally change someone’s life. Maybe even save it.
Rest easy, bro.
The Text That Still Haunts Me Read More »